People

I killed time waiting in the Mumbai International Airport for my friends to arrive by scrutinizing the faces of all the Indian women who walked back and forth in front of me. It was really rather interesting, all the varieties of noses and eyes and ears that can exist in one room. I to imagine how each woman I saw could be found staggeringly beautiful or tremendously unattractive based on which feature was emphasized and wondered if maybe beauty actually is in the eye of the beholder.
And then in walked Bollywood Actress Katrina Kaif.


Damn girl.
Screw that theory.

Post Script- I spent a few minutes looking at different pictures of Katrina so I could pick one that showed what she looked like without seeming semi-pornographic. I turned around to see the head of the internet cafe staring at me strangely. You all might not think I have pornographic tendencies, but internet cafe man certainly does.

People

We laugh and we sigh and we seethe as we see them walking through the tourist traps with their shiny new digital camera thumping merrily against their bulbous thighs and we watch them snapping pictures of cute Indians going about their daily lives and we glance at them eating obscenely overpriced ‘Continental’ food in the tourist restaurants and we take a break from our delicious plate of steaming spaghetti to click on the review button of our own gleaming picture taking equipment and see the smiling faces of adorable Hindustanis staring back at us as we smugly reflect on how different we are from them.

Things

Three Indian commercials that involve two of my favorite things: candy and trickiness

-A boy who is late to class spots an open desk next to a pretty girl and tries to walk quietly in sloooooow motion to his seat without the teacher spotting him. When he gets about halfway there the teacher turns around and sees him. “Get out Melvin!*”The next day, this same young chap is late again. He spots the same open desk in the front and walks in backwards towards the seat. When he gets about halfway there the teacher turns around and sees him. “Sit down Melvin!” Melvin sits down in his seat, grins at pretty girl, and takes a big bite into his granola bar.

-A man and his wife are nuzzling on the couch having some kind of conversation when the woman asked her husband if he has forgotten something…her birthday. The husband has naturally forgotten and for a second looks panicked.
The doorbell rings.
It’s the pizza guy.
The husband takes one look at him and starts screaming.
WHERE ARE THE CANDLES??? WHERE ARE THE CANDLES?? HOW COULD YOU FORGET TO PUT THE CANDLES ON THE PIZZA. Pizza is thrown to the ground. Pizza boy runs away terrified, Husband and wife nuzzle in their bed and share a box of cookies.

-A girl wants to buy a candy bar but store dude says no because she doesn’t have enough money. She sees a dirty looking twenty-something hippie guy against the wall taking a nap and puts a shoebox in front of him. She throws in a coin. Other people walk by and throw in coins as well. After some time, she picks up the shoebox and takes it to the register. She has enough money for TWO chocolate bars, one for herself and one for the sleepy guy who wakes up with a bar of chocolate and wonders what the hell happened.